Ten Things You Missed This Week #19

Posted on August 31, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

1. Johan Nygaard was, in 1912, the first mayor of the Norwegian town of Sel. Nygaard left behind a fairly mysterious legacy: a sealed package that was only to be opened on August 26, 2012. For one hundred years, many have pondered the mystery. Is it some sort of Earth-shattering revelation? A map to some hidden valuables? Something time-travelly, a la Back to the Future Part II, or Doctor Who: Blink? The package was opened last week, and you can watch the video of the unveiling here, read the story behind the package here, and read the English language account of what it is they found in there. (via Devin Faraci)

RT @davenlamb ”What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?” I asked, looking at the pile of heroin in my friend’s car boot.

2. In a ‘very traditional’ German town, Nils Pickert discovered his five-year-old son liked to wear dresses. Nils reacted in the most responsible way he could think of: he donned a dress himself so his son wouldn’t feel alone. (via Stephen Hahn)

RT @JeremiahMc My life is like the porn version of Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie.

3. Anyone who’s not a Community obsessive should just move on to number four. The rest of you: remember the Digital Estate Planning episode from the end of season three? The one set mostly inside a computer game? And do you also remember the rumours that Chevy Chase had walked off the set, refusing to film his final scene? According to a recent Reddit AMA with creator Dan Harmon, Chevy often did this during the show, and they’d simply pick the shot up later on. But this was the final day of filming, and when they didn’t get it, that was it. The scene in question was an end credits tag in which Abed reprogrammed Pierce’s father’s computer game so the two of them could play catch. It concluded with Pierce hugging Abed, which would have been the perfect ending. Anyway, on the heels of the recreation of the original game, some brilliant fans have created Abed’s version, finally allowing us to see at least part of that episode’s original ending. It may seem a bit one-note, but if you get enough points, there is a payoff. (via Megan Ganz)

RT @MikeDrucker Oops! Mike Drucker left his Twitter account open on his computer. I’m a woman he’s had sex with saying I’m real & Mike’s good at sex stuff!!

4. There are many examples on the web of artists (particularly authors) ill-advisedly responding to fan criticism. This story of author Emily Giffin and her reaction to a negative Amazon review is, at best, a cautionary tale. (via Martyn Pedler)

RT @Lawrence_Miles BREAKING: Plasticine man who fed himself into spaghetti machine arrested for playdohmasochism.

5. Okay, this is stupid. I’m not going to pretend it’s not. I know I should be rolling my eyes at this instead of, as is my current practice, watching it every couple of days. Someone’s taken the ending of Batman Begins and dubbed the Cookie Monster over Batman’s dialogue. Yes, it is as dumb as it sounds. No, I can’t stop laughing. (via Maria Lewis)

RT @RevChrisStangl Welcome to the Jumble, we’ve got unf & egmas/ we got ytnhegeriv you awtn noehy, we wnko the sanem / Ew rea hte lpoeep htta nca dnif ahvrwete

6. The idea of Hollywood being some sort of liberal mecca is one that’s always amused me, given Hollywood is run by large corporations governed by self-interest above any sort of fraternal responsibility. This article helps to refute the notion of a liberal Hollywood, by asking you to ‘think of almost every movie you’ve ever seen’. (via Martyn Pedler)

RT @MuscularSon i think its sick and cool that grandpa opened up his mind by listening to my sick aphex twin cds but i dont think thats what killed him

7. We’re now into the musical portion of today’s Ten Things, beginning with the Renegade Raging Grannies, and their musical condemnation of Congressman Todd Akin’s recent comments in which he suggested that there is a distinction between ‘legitimate rape’ and ‘non-legitimate rape’. Honestly, you can’t make this crap up. But a big hat-tip to the Renegade Raging Grannies for singing the truth. (via Thom Holland)

RT @GeoffLloyd The dark secret that binds the Spice Girls together is the sinister truth about what happened to Mel A.

8. Now have a listen to Rolling in the Higgs, an a capella song about the Higgs Boson, all sung by the one guy, to the tune of Adele’s Rolling in the Deep. I know this one’s going to get a lot of repeat plays from me in the future. (via Ben Miller)

RT @wojennifer Passive aggressive people can go and have a nice holiday.

9. What if you could plug yourself directly into a synthesiser and turn your emotions into music? Canadian artist Erin Gee is in Sydney trying to do just that, and not just for the sake of art. When you consider how many mental disorders create an inability to recognise emotion in others, having a tangible representation of those emotions could be a real game-changer. (via Cosmos Magazine)

RT @pattonoswalt To Donald Trump’s credit, I think he actually writes his own Tweets. Unless he’s hired a gibbon to do it. And paid it in PCP.

10. Comedy minstrels Flight of the Conchords recently took part in a New Zealand charity for Cure Kids, interviewing school children about how they can help cure sick kids. It’s a tad Kids Say the Darndest Things, but it’s very funny; especially when they take all the answers and information they’ve garnered from the kids and turn them into a brilliant We Are the World-type anthem featuring numerous NZ singers, entitled Feel Inside (and Stuff Like That).

RT @ieatanddrink My secret for keeping people from sitting next to me on the bus is to be eating a Cornish game hen and being Lou Diamond Phillips

And if you want to listen to something that isn’t musical, today we published the latest edition of my movie-themed podcast Hell Is For Hyphenates. This month, Paul and I are joined by the delightful Alice Tynan, who discusses the many works of director Steven Soderbergh. The big news? This edition contains a world first. I’m not even kidding. We have an exclusive something that’s never been done anywhere else. But you’ll have to listen to find out what it is. (Also available through the iTunes store.)

Pinching Mimsie Starr

Posted on August 29, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

If you read my open letter to St Michael’s a few months ago – a letter that was, in its intent, far more sincere than I discovered some people assumed – you’ll know that Melbourne’s Astor Theatre, a cinematic emporium whose cultural importance cannot be overstated, was under threat of closure.

By virtue of circumstance, St Michael’s Grammar School, the owners of the extraordinary art deco building that houses the Astor, was cornered into the role of the villain. It was clear that they were only acting in the best interests of their students, but those interests were working in direct opposition to the survival of a unique cultural institution, and one many of feel very, very passionate about. To use a cliché that I trust St Michael’s advises its students against using in their own writing, they were damned if they did, and damned if they didn’t. I did not envy them.

The community rallied, and turned out in force for the massive Save The Astor rally this past June, but what followed was a worrying silence. There was a sense that something was going on behind the scenes, but nobody on the outside of the bubble knew what that was. Last week, we found out.

Lionel Barrymore: not Ralph Taranto.

St Michael’s Grammar has relented, and sold the building to businessman Ralph Taranto.

Who is this man? A ruthless corporate figure, one who’d no doubt be played by Lionel Barrymore in the film, who would tear the building asunder and sell it off, molecule by molecule?

Thankfully – gloriously – no!

Ralph Taranto loves his cinema, and having spoken to some people who have had dealings with him, it sounds like this love is genuine and sincere. Taranto clearly has a passion for keeping the Astor going, and he’s already committed to extending the business’s lease, as well as giving the building some much-needed refurbishments.

Right now, you probably want to give him a bear hug. Get in line.

Mr Taranto is definitely a hero in this situation, but he’s not the only one. (Although, as my Hell Is For Hyphenates co-host Paul Nelson pointed out to me, the saving of the Astor Theatre has a strikingly-similar narrative to the saving of its spiritual sister, the New Beverly Cinema in Los Angeles. Not least because the Astor was saved by Ralph Taranto, and the New Beverly was saved by the nominatively-similar Quentin Tarantino!)

It strikes me that we should also be thanking some of the higher-ups at St Michael’s Grammar. They deserve a significant amount of the credit for this result, because they were under no obligation to sell the building. Zero. It seems apparent that they did so because they recognise that they are themselves part of the community, and the community had made its feelings very clear. If you’re wanting to give Ralph that hug, St Michael’s deserves, at minimum, a high five.

It goes without saying, but none of this would have happened without the incredibly tireless efforts of both the Astor Theatre itself and the Friends of the Astor organisation. I know at least one of the key figures prefers not to be singled out for credit, so we’ll simply credit the larger entities.

So, what next? A suggestion that you, the reader, support the Astor?

No. Definitely not. To ask you to ‘support’ the Astor is to suggest that it’s some sort of responsibility, a task you do out of duty*. And if it was such a thing, it would never have survived the past eighty years.

Tomorrow night, the theatre will play a double featuring two of my favourite films of the year: The King of Devil’s Island and Declaration of War. Great films on their own, but the pairing is inspired.

There’s a David Lean retrospective starting on Saturday, featuring Brief Encounter, Blithe Spirit, Great Expectations, Oliver Twist, Doctor Zhivago, The Bridge Over the River Kwai, and the brand new restoration of Lawrence of Arabia. (The first time I saw Lawrence was in 70mm at the Astor. The second time was in 35mm at the Astor. I can’t wait to see their 4K digital print looks like.)

Then there’s the amazing four-hour Woody Allen: A Documentary, a Wes Anderson retrospective, a Russ Meyer ‘Vixen-Fest’, the George Romero Night/Dawn/Day trilogy on the one night, the Back to the Future trilogy on the one night, the extended version of Kenneth Lonergen’s Margaret, 2001: A Space Odyssey in 70mm, Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet in 70mm, a Jodorowsky double of Holy Mountain and El Topo, the Lord of the Rings extended edition trilogy on the one day, a double of Cabin in the Woods and Drag Me To Hell… and all of that within the space of only three months. Not only is the above just business-as-usual for the Astor, but I actually left out a whole lot of incredible stuff. Go take a loo k if you don’t believe me.

This is one of those rare instances when everybody wins. St Michael’s still gets to use the Astor for school events. We get to keep our beloved cinema. And much like the classic films it so frequently plays, the building itself will be subject to a gorgeous restoration. The only way this could be better is if I was allowed to live there.

So don’t feel obliged to ‘support’ the Astor; just visit it every night for completely selfish reasons. When I’m back in Melbourne, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing.

* That said, you should definitely join Friends of the Astor.

Aasif You Hadn’t Noticed

Posted on August 27, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

Spider-man 2. Premium Rush. Which filmmaker will be brave enough to conclude the Aasif Mandvi Sends a Young Man Out To Deliver Something In New York On Bicycle trilogy?

Ten Things You Missed This Week #18

Posted on August 24, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

1. Data storage has always been a bit of a problem. I remember when I was impressed when I got a computer that could manage (small number of megabytes), and now I have a thumbnail drive that can store (small number of gigabytes)! But all of that is a thing of the past, not to mention a laboured joke, as Harvard scientists have figured out how to store 5.5 petabits of data in a single gram of DNA. That’s such a huge amount, Microsoft Word is telling me that it’s not even a word. So how much of not-a-word is it? About 700 terabytes. (And if you’re not familiar with a terabyte – thankfully, Word is – that’s 1000 gigabytes. So a petabit is 700 000 gigabytes. And if you’re really old, that’s 700 000 000 megabytes. So, 700 000 000 000 000 bytes. I’m sorry, I enjoyed typing that way too much.) But I’m burying the lead here, which is data storage in DNA. Your DNA will become a method of storing information! Which, to be fair, is exactly what DNA is. But the fact that we can manipulate it is what’s so exciting. (via Thom Holland)

RT @DiggsWayne Just saw an ice cream truck filling up at the gas station. Strangely disillusioning. In my mind they just floated on childhood desire.

2. When film producer Cassian Elwes took a plane ride from New York to Los Angeles, he had no way of anticipating the events that would unfold. He tweeted his eventful plane ride once he’d landed, and the story, unfolding one tweet at a time, is extraordinary. Take a moment to read it, and make sure you go through to the end. (via Rob Ruminski)

RT @damienkatz A machine dispensing udp packets had a sign saying “Out of Order” (the great thing about udp jokes is I don’t care if you get them)

3. It’s so rare that politicians will decry an entire movement of citizens, as they desperately to be all things to all people. (Take note of how often pro-business politicians cite their policies as being good for workers, and how often pro-workers extol their policies as ultimately being good for business.) So it’s kind-of refreshing to hear Irish President Michael D Higgins destroy the insidious anti-healthcare rhetoric that stems from the US. (via Garth Franklin)

RT @MelissaStetten I hate when I pick up my phone to check my email and end up killing my neighbor.

4. It’s from 1965, but it’s new to the internet. Yesterday, Old Showbiz published a résumé that Woody Allen wrote back in 1965. And it’s everything you’re hoping it to be, provided you’re hoping it to be sardonic and hilarious. (via Leigh Paatsch)

RT @Glinner Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.

5. Ever wondered what would happen if everyone on the planet jumped at the exact same time? Would we go spinning off into the void, or barely notice a thing? Check out this video for the answer. (via Peter Sciretta)

RT @jayeofmanyhats I don’t know about you all, but I know who I’d cheer for in an Illegal Alien VS Child Predator movie.

6. I’ve written a number of ‘Movies That Almost Got Made’ articles for various magazines, so there are very few surprises contained herein for me, but this list of 100 Wonderful and Terrible Movies That Never Existed is definitely worth a look for anyone who doesn’t yet know how close we came to David Lynch’s Return of the Jedi, or James Cameron’s Spider-man, or Godzilla vs Frankenstein. (Although – minor complaint – it should be pointed out that the list is mostly SF/fantasy/superhero oriented, so there’s no entry for the likes of the Coen Bros’s tragically-unmade To The White Sea. Still a good read, though.) (via On the Media)

RT @BillCorbett I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, but the bubblegum-chewing has been so delightful I no longer wish to fight. Namaste.

7. So, what shape would you say the sun is? WRONG! Actually, you’re probably right. Chances are you said ‘round’, and the shocking truth is that it’s slightly more round than you thought. And though this revelation may seem minor, the fact that we’ve been misjudging the shape of the most important bodies in our solar system (voted #1 4.57 billion years running) until one week ago is pretty significant, and completely changes what we know about Earth. It’ll make more sense when you read this. (via Jason Diamond)

RT @GerryDuggan Jenna Jameson endorsed Mitt Romney because he’s been videotaped holding every possible position too.

8. It makes total sense that a soldier heading off to war would write a letter to his family “just in case”. It’s logical, prudent, and wise. And yet, that doesn’t make the letter any less chilling or heartbreaking when it’s ultimately delivered. 19-year-old rifleman Cyrus Thatcher had a letter prepared for his family, and this is what it said. (via Matt O’Sullivan)

RT @BilgeEbiri What if this all turned out to be a ruse to get Hillary Clinton to say the words “pussy riot” on national television?

9. Ray Bradbury, who sadly passed away recently, would have been 92 this week. And seeing as today’s column is quite sciency, it seemed fitting to include a quote from the great man. It’s a quote that is, essentially, about the place the planet is at today, and although he said it in 1963 and was certainly talking about the Cold War, it seems even more relevant now. (via Maria Popova)

RT @andrewducker I am amused to discover that “Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan” is an anagram of “My Ultimate Ayn Rand Porn”.

10. This is where this edition of Ten Things comes full circle. Thing #1 demonstrated how data can be stored on our bodies. Thing #10 will now demonstrate how data can be extracted. From our brains. It’s early days, but this is one of those significant breakthroughs that will lead to some extraordinary and frightening things. Take a look at how researches have discovered they can hack your brain. (via MikkoHypponen.exe)

RT @writerbrett I think a better name for shark would be Sea Hitler.

Finally, in the week that we lost Tony Scott, the classier elements of the media (both social and professional) focused on his work and his legacy. Nearly two years ago, I discussed Tony Scott’s filmography on podcast Hell Is For Hyphenates with Paul Anthony Nelson and Luke Buckmaster; a filmography that is now, sadly, complete. The best tribute I read was this small but significant anecdote from actor David Krumholtz.

Russian Resurrection Film Festival 2012

Posted on August 22, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

If there was some way for me to spend the year going from film festival to film festival, I would. I’d fill every day of the calendar year with festivals, and I don’t even mean the likes of Cannes, Venice, Toronto, Sundance, etc (although those do factor significantly into this fantasy). I could probably manage this dream without even leaving the country. Not just the major capital city festivals (MIFF, SFF, BIFF, et al), but all the specialist festivals, from the horror-themed Hello Darkness festival, to the short film showcase St Kilda Film Festival, and the regional-themed festivals from the Italian Film Festival to the French Film Festival to the Spanish Film Festival to— well, there’s a lot of them. And mainlining them all is my idea of total bliss.

The next scheduled festival is the Russian Resurrection Film Festival, kicking off on August 30 in Sydney, and a few days later in other capital cities. I’ve managed to see a number of films that will be playing at the festival, and wanted to give you a preview of what to expect.

To be honest, there are some problems. A big one that typically affects all festivals of this nature is that the best films are often nabbed early by the big film festivals – both the Melbourne and Sydney Film Festivals, for instance, scored Alexandr Sokurov’s extraordinary Faust only weeks earlier – leaving fewer pickings for the smaller festivals. The good news? These are the times you catch the obscure gems you don’t know to look forward to.

I’ll be honest: of the four films I watched, two really did not work for me. The Admirer, a biopic of Chekov, is painfully-dull and laughably-scripted, and had me yelling ‘Just die of tuberculosis already!’ repeatedly at the screen. Similarly, Home seemingly attempts to evoke the remote pastoral visuals of Tarkovsky’s 1986 work The Sacrifice, but lacks the depth to match its ancestor. There are several lovely moments and shots, but it’s a melodrama that embraces every overwrought cliché it can find.

But that’s okay, because seeing films that don’t quite work is an essential part of the festival experience, and one I genuinely wouldn’t give up. It makes the real discoveries all the sweeter, such as the exceptionally fun and engaging Spy, about a Russian boxer during World War Two enlisted by Soviet forces to capture a German spy. It’s a blast of a film, and a superb choice for the festival’s opening night.

Even better than Spy, however, is Siberia MonAmour, centring on people fighting for survival in a remote Siberian village. It sounds bleak, but it’s a powerful and evocative film with a truly beautiful aesthetic.

I haven’t seen the other films playing, but I’m hoping to get to historical epic The Horde, comedy/drama Two Days, animation Ivan Tsarevich and the Grey Wolf, comedy Five Brides, and action adventure August 8^th. There are also some very tempting retrospectives, including 1967’s War and Peace, 1912’s 1812, 1947’s Cinderella, and 1973’s The Duel, which will be particularly interesting in light of the recent English-language version.

Go to the festival’s website to find times and locations for the festival. And if you wish to contribute to the Send Lee To Film Festivals The Year Round, I’ll have details for that fund up soon.

Julian Assange in The Embassy

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

Steven Spielberg wasted no time in rushing the Julian Assange story to the big screen.

Ten Things You Missed This Week #17

Posted on August 17, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

1. As a Melburnian living in Sydney, I often find myself arguing with unnecessary fervour the case for my home town’s obvious superiority, and though I’m usually met with complete indifference by disinterested Sydneysiders, my passion remains untempered. It’s fuelled further by Melbourne once again being voted the world’s most liveable city! Which begs the question: which are the world’s most unliveable cities? Many may reside in China. (via Leigh Paatsch)

RT @martynpedler People who cheerfully announce “life begins at 40!” must terrify pro-life activists.

2. Every organ in our body produces waste. As this article points out, it’s only our brain that doesn’t have a lymphatic system, so how does our most mysterious and complex organ dispose of its waste? And how might the answer lead to a breakthrough for Alzheimer’s? (via Courtney E. Smith)

RT @katejinx In other news, the woman sitting next to me on the bus is licking photos of food in her magazine. Pho, pizza, chocolate, she’s not choosy.

3. This is one of those events that, if it happened in a movie, it would be decried for being too unbelievable, too “evil”. By now, the lengths that insurance companies will go to in order to avoid paying out their customer’s claims are notorious, but the acts of Progressive Insurance are the worst I have ever heard of. I can’t even hint at it. You’ll just have to read it to see. (via Patton Oswald)

RT @spc1965 If you follow me on Twitter you get to read tweets like this.

4. I’ve been pretty obsessed with 3D printing here, and with good reason. It’s the first major step in the path to the cultural endgame that is the Star Trek replicator, and we’ve already begun to see some extraordinary applications. Now, the Thiel Foundation has given a grant to a company that wants to explore the printing of meat. Meat. Printing. Just think about that for a bit. (via Graham Linehan)

RT @NickMotown When I need cheering up, I remind myself that Jermaine Jackson named his youngest son Jermajesty.

5. If you haven’t been following the blasphemy trial of the Russian band Pussy Riot, you’re missing a big moment in modern Russian political history. It may be three punk rockers on trial in the courtroom, but it’s Putin’s regime that’s being judged by the rest of the world. At time of this blog entry’s publication, we’re mere hours away from the verdict – which will almost inevitably a guilty one – so take a moment to read the band’s articulate and powerful closing statement. (via Ben Buckingham)

RT @ncguk ”The truth?” Julian Assange cried yet again. “You can’t handle the truth!” The Ecuadorian ambassador lit another Ferrero Rocher and sighed.

6. What if the next sentence you said was the last you’d ever speak? Teresa Goff, a radio producer, tells the story of her father, a man whose ability to communicate was severely affected when he contracted aphasia, a disorder that impairs language. Take a moment to hear the words of someone who cannot speak. (via Martyn Pedler)

RT @meganamram I just found out my son’s boyfriend is gay.

7. What do you think the most popular TV show is for prisoners in Guantanamo Bay? Let’s put it this way: if a couple of guys were up to no good, and started making trouble in your neighbourhood, then you’d probably want to be shipped off to your auntie and uncle in Bel Air before US forces capture you and stick you in a military prison. Right? (via Rich Hariday)

RT @ieatanddrink If I was a sports athlete I’d throw and kick sport balls well and my fans would say “Look, he is doing the sports.”

8. In BBC’s Sherlock – the Sherlock Holmes adaptation by Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss that’s so good, I can’t help but wonder why every other adaptation hasn’t packed up and gone home – Sherlock is accused of being a psychopath. ‘Do your research,’ he shoots back. ‘Don’t call a person a psychopath when he is really a sociopath!’ But is there actually a distinction? And does he qualify as either? Maria Konnikova says emphatically no, and here’s why. (via Ben McKenzie)

RT @liamoryan What 2 Olympic events would you combine? I’d mash K2 Kyaking with Skeet Shooting. It’s called The Deliverance.

9. I remember once seeing a comparison of spider-webs spun by spiders high on different drugs, and the resulting web patterns were fascinating. Although artist Brian Lewis Saunders was far more conscious of the experiment than the spiders were – and that awareness would undoubtedly have an influence – his series of self-portraits he drew whilst on different drugs is still pretty interesting. (via Leigh Paatsch)

RT @arzE she asks why I am on my phone and not enjoying this summer night with her? that’s how uptight cats reacted when they first heard jazz

10. I know, I know. You’re sick of Gotye’s Somebody That I Used To Know. You’re sick of the covers, you’re sick of the parodies, you’re sick of the original. But you might want to listen to this one: somebody took nearly all the varying versions out there on YouTube and mixed them into one large, cohesive entity. Who did this? Turns out it was Gotye himself, and the result is rather brilliant. (via Tom Spilsbury)

RT @MooseAllain I’ve never read Roget’s Thesaurus, but apparently it’s very useful, useful and useful.

Finally, why not treat yourself to a photo of two of present-day America’s most brilliant sit-comedic minds? It’s Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz with Community creator Dan Harmon, in the crossover that I’ve always dreamed of! (via Tuesday Adams)

MIFF Congeniality

Posted on August 14, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

Just a quick reminder to all of you in Melbourne that I’ll be appearing at two free events at the Melbourne International Film Festival tomorrow!

From 5:30pm to 6:15pm, myself and The Bazura Project’s Shannon Marinko will be hosting A Nervous Kind of Laughter, talking about the great edgy American comedies of the 1970s: films by Woody Allen, Hal Ashby, Mike Nichols and more. Appearing on the panel with us will be Adam Zwar (Wilfred, Lowdown), Judith Lucy (The Late Show, Judith Lucy’s Spiritual Journey) and MIFF special guest Bobcat Goldthwaite, director of Shakes the Clown, Windy City Heat, Sleeping Dogs Lie, World’s Greatest Dad and God Bless America.

Come down to the Festival Lounge at the Forum Theatre and listen to us wax lyrical about one of the greatest periods of cinematic comedy.

Then you’ve got forty-five minutes to get something to eat and then come back for the MIFF Comedy Night. From 7pm, I’ll be MCing a night of film-themed stand-up comedy featuring Danny McGinlay, Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall, Matt Kenneally, Geraldine Quinn, Harley Breen and Bobcat Goldthwaite.

This is the sort of night that’s perfect for everyone. If you’re a MIFF addict, you probably need a night off from the screen-staring. But if the sessions have proven too pricey for you, then hey, these are free. Sorted!

Wednesday 15 August 2012 at the Forum Theatre, 154 Flinders Street.

5:30pm: A Nervous Kind of Laughter

7pm: MIFF Comedy Night

Ten Things You Missed This Week #16

Posted on August 10, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

1. Asian bootlegs of Western films have fascinated me ever since a friend returned from Bali with a version of the Dawn of the Dead remake entitled Shaun of the Death. Had I actually bothered to watch it, who knows what wonders I’d have been subjected to? Presumably, it would have included subtitling along the lines of this Chinese edition of The Avengers. Remember: Loki do not like the thunder guy. (via Drew McWeeney)

RT @Jeff_Sparrow Doubtless there will be nationwide soul searching about Australia’s decades of failure at winning Nobel prizes in literature.

2. Of course, China’s gone far beyond bootlegging just movies; they’re now bootlegging people. If you get charged with a crime in China, and you’re part of the elite 0.1% that can afford to buy and sell people, you can easily hire a body double to serve your prison time for you. (via MontserratBiedermann)

RT @robdelaney You know how asparagus makes your pee smell? Well, I just heard from my father for the first time in 14 years.

3. You wouldn’t think that Christian fundamentalists would take on mathematics in the never-ending culture war, but this has indeed happened. So how exactly does set theory contradict God? (via William Gibson)

RT @nicknunziata FACT: If you substitute “Baby” with “Beowulf” in any love song it’s infinitely more romantic and special.

4. I’ve been a fan of Tig Notaro since seeing her on The Sarah Silverman Show, and her recent appearance in the This American Life cinema show earlier this year just cemented it. And it sounds like her show this past weekend at the Largo ranks among the most gripping and revelatory stand-up shows ever performed. Read to see why. (via Adam Hills)

RT @Lawrence_Miles Why is the A-Team narrator so confident they “didn’t commit” the crime? If he was a material witness, why didn’t he testify at the trial?

5. I must confess to having read none of these books, although To The Lighthouse and Finnegans Wake have long been on my to-do list. Have you managed to get through this list of the top ten most difficult books to read? (via Rochelle Siemienowicz)

RT @meganamram Always the mermaid, never the mer

6. I’ve never found F Scott Fitzgerald to be a tough nut to crack, however, and it’s exciting that The New Yorker has published a long-lost short story from Fitzgerald about a woman who lights a cigarette in a church. The story itself can be read here, and the story behind the story can be read here. (via ArtsHub)

RT @bencjenkins I reckon the pneumonia that eventually killed Reagan was just trying to impress Jodie Foster.

7. Is updating the special effects of old works an inherently bad thing? I don’t think so. Like many, I’ve long-decried the use of CGI in Star Wars, whilst simultaneously being excited about the various Star Trek restorations that have been coming out. Hypocritical? Not at all. The devil is in the details, as Chris Clow argues here. (via Scott Weinberg)

RT @joeycomeau I can’t sleep. So I am photoshopping myself into the background of porn pictures as a creepy THE GRUDGE style ghost.

8. Do you want to be put in your place? I know it doesn’t sound pleasant, but trust me, you do. NASA isn’t the only one having a great extra-terrestrial week (but more on them in a moment); the European Space Agency has just released a photo of our planet from its Meteosat Second Generation-3 satellite from 40 000 kilometres above the Earth. It’s really something. (via Phil Plait)

RT @ieatanddrink Sponge commercial: Boy hugs his mother. She absorbs him. She’s a sponge. Dozens of sponges fall out of your television. Narrator: “Sponges”

9. The only thing that excited me more than NASA landing Curiosity on Mars this past week has been how excited everyone else has been about it. Usually, we’re inundated with articles explaining why we should be excited about this sort of space mission, but I’ve not seen any of that this time around. Everyone just seems to get it. Now, NASA has released an edited package of the moment Curiosity touched down, combining footage of the control room with the CGI reconstruction of what took place. I don’t think I’ve seen anything half as exciting. (Except, maybe, for this Martian sunset.) (via Maria Popover)

RT @FREE_FACTS 1 out of every 1000 people is a mannequin

10. Maybe Curiosity will eventually come across the message from Carl Sagan that was sent to Mars in 2008, for future explorers to find. There really is nothing like a Sagan narration to get the spine tingling. (via Dan Ilic)

RT @MKHDDLSTN Dear Religion, While you were debating what chicken sandwiches were okay to eat, I just landed on Mars. Sincerely, Your Pal Science

Of course, when explorers eventually find the message from Sagan, we can only hope that they’ll have a working DVD player with them. Such is the problem with obsolescence, as future colonisers will discover if they go to Jupiter without a VHS player. (via Emma Green)

Quick Update

Posted on August 8, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

I try not to avoid doing it, but I occasionally complain on social media about the sheer amount of work I’m doing from day to day. So when people ask when they’re going to see the fruits of these labours, I have to beat them to a bloody pulp for their insolence, then – after a bloody shoot-out with police – go on the lam with a different passport, some quicky cosmetic surgery, and a sassy, gun-toting sidekick.

So, to save time, I thought I’d do a brief update on some of the things that have begun to see the light of day, presented in an unnecessarily exciting tone:

me on this month’s Hell Is For Hyphenates podcast, talking about the films of July (The Dark Knight Rises, The Amazing Spider-man, Not Suitable For Children), the career of Sarah Watt, and the films of Todd Haynes. Our guest this month was John Richards, he of the TV show Outland and the TV-themed podcast Boxcutters, both of which rank among my list of favourite things. Somewhat coincidentally, the same day we recorded Hyphenates, I guested on the most recent Boxcutters, debating Aaron Sorkin’s The Newsroom. It’s a brilliant podcast (despite my contribution) and anyone who’s been following the show and feels passionately either for or against it should really have a listen.

my new column in Encore Magazine, in which I get nostalgic about classic Australian film and TV. I kick off with a look back at The Games, the brilliant Olympics-skewering show by John Clarke and Ross Stevenson. I also have a piece in the forthcoming Big Issue, looking at how recent films have handled the tricky topic of bullying. It’s possibly more entertaining than I just made it sound.

me at the Melbourne International Film Festival on Wednesday 15 August, talking about the wave of American comedies of the 1970s, alongside Bobcat Goldthwaite, Judith Lucy, Adam Zwar and my Bazura Project co-host Shannon Marinko. That’s in the Forum Lounge from 5:30pm to 6:15pm, and it’s a free event, so you have no excuse not to attend. But you should stick around for the MIFF Comedy Night (also free!) from 7pm to 9pm, also in the Forum Lounge. I’ll be MCing, and guests will include Bobcat Goldthwaite, Matt Kenneally, Danny McGinlay, Geraldine Quinn, Harley Breen, and more! They’ll all be telling their best film tales, and you should definitely attend.

That’s all for now. More to come soon. Thanks for your indulgence.

Ten Things You Missed This Week #15

Posted on August 3, 2012 by Lee Zachariah

1. ‘I’m fascinated by the emergence of 3D bullying,’ I said here two weeks ago, ‘mostly because we can’t possibly imagine all of the applications it will have in the future.’ A fortnight on and I’m remembering my own repeated adage that every new technology brings with it great benefits balanced with terrible, terrible applications. Case in point: this 3D printed gun. Which actually, terrifyingly, works. (via Diane Ademu-John)

RT @Lawrence_Miles Guilty pleasure: the commentary of a match in which one of the players is called “Ono”, and has missed the goal four times in a row.

2. Olympic medal tallies generally look, Games-by-Games, identical. But what happens when you tally them up compared to population? Compared to GDP? Who are the real winners? (via Chas Licciardello)

RT @shanedunlop When more than a minute of silence passes while two men watch women’s gymnastics, things have officially gotten weird and/or creepy.

3. I’m not entirely sure what this website, Cooks Suck, is for, but this posting made me laugh a lot. And so I benevolently pass it on to you. (via N Baberaham)

RT @robdelaney The most depressing sport to watch is Water Polio

4. Kiese Laymon has had four guns pulled on him in his life. In this brilliant and compelling piece for Gawker entitled “How To Slowly Kill Yourself and Others In America”, he reflects on the road he almost travelled. (via Mel Campbell)

RT @AlbertBrooks It wasn’t the Chinese swimmer’s race that made people question. It’s when she won the Tour De France.

5. I’m trying to curb by Doctor Who obsession on here, but I’m not trying that hard. Since the early 1980s, there’s been ongoing speculation that the Doctor will one day be played by a woman. But what if all the previous Doctors had been women? These speculative illustrations are, astonishingly, non-creepy. (via Steven Moffat)

RT @neiltyson Just an FYI: If you removed all veins, arteries, & capillaries from your body and laid them end to end, you will die.

6. It’s like a dog show on acid! Actually, it’s literally that. A reporter for Vice took LSD and then reported on the Westminster Dog Show. Not terribly funny, but pretty interesting! (via Michelle Felix)

RT @ianbarr Prediction for the @SightSoundmag poll countdown tomorrow: POTEMKIN out, SHOWGIRLS in.

7. If you can manage to not die by 2045, you might just be able to achieve immortality. That’s the hope of Dmitry Itskov, who is working with Russian scientists to create a way to upload our brains into computers so we can live forever. For those of us who love our technology, this is the logical step up from performing the physical act of love with our iPads. Which I assume everyone else does as well. (via Melanie Sheridan)

RT @ovandenberg ”Mr. Tailor? Pleased to meet you. My name’s Spy… Soldier Spy.” “Please, call me Tinker. ‘Mr. Tailor’ is my father.” #fanfiction

8. In 1998, Bill Barol met with Al Franken to discuss working on Franken’s new show. As Barol now writes, it could well go down as the worst meeting in history. (via Leigh Paatsch)

RT @nedroid When you name a kid “Pruneface” he doesn’t really have a lot of job options beyond Dick Tracy villain

9. This is the most awesome potentially-lethal maze ever created! Artists Marcos Saboya and Gualter Pupo have created a maze out of 250000 books. The real twist, of course, would be if one of the books was about how to solve mazes. (via Exit)

RT @VaguelyFunnyDan Kanye West is still mad about that tornado dropping my house on Kanye East.

10. I hate putting ads on here, but this made me laugh too much. We know that the UK loves their crime shows featuring rough cops in English hamlets, but what happens when Charlie Brooker writes one? Enjoy the trailer for A Touch of Cloth. (via Ben C Jenkins)

RT @ieatanddrink I’ll bet the 1st guy with surround sound got so sick of explaining what surround sound was he just threw his hat in a fucking river

Now I’m popping back down to Melbourne to spend my weekend mainlining sixteen films at the Melbourne International Film Festival. It’s okay, I’ve left the 6:30pm slot on the Friday open in case I need a break.

Lee Zachariah's Very Own Web Page

Feigning humility on a website named after himself

Monthly Archives: August 2012