Disappointing news that Lego has refused to supply blocks for controversial Chinese artist Ai Wei Wei’s upcoming installation. This is a huge change of tune given their classic, inclusive 1981 print ad.
I’ve finally figured out what my favouite sequel naming convention is.
It’s an important issue. How do you figure out the right way to name your follow-up? If you’re making multiple films within a franchise, do you simply add a number to the first film’s title, like Superman II did? Or do you add a whole word to create an action like Batman Returns? Or do you add unwieldy subtitles to the film to ensure it looks ridiculous at first then perceptive when the sequels arrive, like Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl? Do you try the first approach, then switch to the second halfway through, like Mission: Impossible? Or go with both subtitles and numbers when individual films are split up, like The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part One?
They’re all fine options, but the best is easily the Aliens model: add a single, random letter to the original title and create a whole new word! Unless I’ve completely misunderstood the Aliens title. But I don’t think I have.
Inspired by the brilliance of James Cameron’s franchise nomenclature, I’ve curated a selection of other great films and their sequels that have taken Cameron’s lead. Clearly, it’s the only way to go.
There are some crazy theories going around about Jurassic World, and they’re all nuts except for mine which is real and backed up with evidence/headings. So gird your loins as I take you through my comprehensive five-stage theory.
1. This Film Is Part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe
You know how in all films and television series, characters will often say “I’m an only child” or “I definitely don’t have a twin” or “I ate my brother in the womb” so you know that a mysterious identical sibling won’t show up and ruin the drama with improbable coincidences? And did you further note that Chris Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy and Vincent D’Onofrio in Daredevil both failed to say this? That’s right. Let that sink in.
It would be absurd to claim that Pratt and D’Onofrio are playing the exact same characters as they did in the MCU (as has been ridiculously suggested – fan theories, am I right?), but I don’t see any reason why Pratt’s Owen couldn’t have been separated at birth from Peter Quill, or that D’Onofrio’s Hoskins couldn’t be the long-lost identical twin of Wilson Fisk. They similar tendencies towards heroism and scheming villainy respectively suggest this connection is water tight.
2. Claire and Karen Escaped From The Village
Ever wondered what happened after M Night Shyamalan’s The Village ended? Well, wonder no more. After Ivy (Bryce Dallas Howard) returns to the village with the medicine, the elders vowed to continue pretending that they were living in 19th century Pennsylvania, right? Well, Ivy wasn’t having any of that. She’d experienced the real world. (Spoiler alert.)
Ivy escapes with her sister Kitty (Judy Greer), where they connect with 21st century society, ably assisted by Guard At Desk (M Night Shyamalan). Ivy changes her name to Claire, and Kitty changes hers to Karen, but they continue living as sisters. Karen quickly remarries, but Claire can’t get past the idea that she was kept in an enclosure her whole life like some sort of animal, forced to believe that she was living in a bygone era. This growing obsession naturally led her to become the Operations Manager of a dinosaur theme park, where she would have control over the anachronistic inmates!
(For those who think this theory is impossible because Ivy was blind in The Village, I suggest you go back and watch Jurassic World again. Every scene involving Claire makes a lot more sense once you realise she can’t actually see a thing.)
3. This Film Picks Up After the End of Ritesh Batra’s The Lunchbox
What, you thought that The Lunchbox’s ending was ambiguous? Ha, you fool. Saajan (Irrfan Khan) did indeed go in search of Nashik and either married her or couldn’t find or whatever. But later when he checked his bank balance, he discovered he’d saved up enough from his mundane desk job to buy and operate a multi-trillion dollar dinosaur theme park created by John Hammond, who, Jurassic World informs us, he was inexplicably friends with.
Convinced that his middle names “Simon” and “Masrani” will look cooler to the press, Saajan begins going by them. Still not convinced? Check this out: Simon is learning to fly a helicopter in Jurassic World. Now go and rewatch The Lunchbox. I defy you to find a single line of dialogue that says Saajan is already a fully-licensed helicopter pilot. Can’t find one? That’s because they’re the same person.
4. Jurassic World Exists In the Same Universe As Orange Is the New Black
If you were looking for people to operate a zoo containing some of the most dangerous creatures on the planet, who would you hire? A zookeeper? Go to hell. That’s dumb. You’re dumb. You would naturally employ an experienced prison guard. Someone who knows how to keep inmates in check and doors locked.
In Orange Is the New Black, Susan “Vivian” Fischer started out as a trainee prison guard (season one), but soon became a hardened, experienced corrections expert (off-screen). This expertise was put to use by Simon “Saajan Fernandes” Masrani and Claire “Ivy Walker” Nosurname, once they realised – and this is where it gets head-expodey, so hold on – that all the dinosaurs in the park were female. You’d forgotten that, hadn’t you? It only makes sense you’d employ guards from a women’s prison, and there’s no better women’s prison than Litchfield Penitentiary.
5. You’ve Seen That T-Rex Before
Did you notice how all the raptors in Jurassic World have names (Delta, Blue, Cueball, The Man With The Plan, Noam Chomsky) but the Tyrannosaurus Rex didn’t? That’s because he already has a name, and that name is – wait for it – Theodore. That’s right. Following the traumatic events of 1995’s Theodore Rex, Theo took himself away from society, holed away in the dinosaur equivalent of an insane asylum, waiting to be brought out of retirement for a big case. He was hoping it would be some sort of political mystery that would require his particular type of forensic expertise, but it turned out to be nothing more than mortal combat with a new type of fearsome, genetically-engineered creature.
Jurassic World has made enough money to ensure that a sequel will definitely be made. Will that sequel develop these comprehensive conclusions further, cementing this theory into solid fact? Once we finally get the returning cameo that fans have been clamouring for, we’ll know for sure: we’ve spent twenty years wondering what happened to Detective Katie Coltraine (Whoopi Goldberg), and it’s time we found out.
Footnote 1: I’ve seen a theory that this film exists in the same universe as 1993’s Jurassic Park. I don’t really see it. A couple of cutesy name checks don’t make it a sequel. Stop reaching.
Footnote 2: Forgot to mention, Jurassic World is also the latest installment of François Truffaut’s Antoine Doinel hexalogy.