Happy election day, everybody.
Kevin Rudd returned to power last night on a platform of Not Being Tony Abbott.
Rudd was born Not Tony Abbott in 1957. He learned to speak fluent Mandarin Unlike Tony Abbott, and in 1981 married Not Tony Abbott’s Wife. Rising through the ranks of the Labor party, he went through a brief phase of Not Being John Howard in 2007, and Sort-Of Being Julia Gillard in 2012, before settling into his role as Not Tony Abbott in 2013.
With an election only months away, Rudd has already outlined many exciting policies, including Not Doing That Thing That Tony Abbott Would Do, Completely Avoiding All Those Other Abbotty Things, and You Know That Thing That We All Know Abbott Will Do If He Gets Elected? Yeah, We’re Totally Not Doing That.
The Australian Electoral Commission has confirmed that Labor will be entered onto ballots under the new name Not Tony Abbott’s Party.